Hello, I Am a Dweeb

Wearing a Star Trek uniform used to be the pinnacle of nerdiness; alas, this is no longer the case. Behold the Wi-Fi Detector Hat, a cap that indicates 802.11b/g signal strength in the general vicinity through the glowing bars on its crown. Before you pour scorn on the dork that chooses to accessorise their ‘Resistance Is Futile’ t-shirt with this unique headwear, understand their battery-powered fashion choice is an altruistic sacrifice. They are spreading the joy of internet connectivity, a magnanimous quest indeed, but at the high cost of their dignity.

Price: RMB 65. Web: www.amazon.com

Bang! You’re Wet

Finally a water gun for the lazy! Incessant pumping and frequent refill trips to the faucet have wasted many an hour better spent soaking friends, parents and small woodland creatures. Nerf’s new Thunderstorm and Tornado Strike Super Soakers are not only epically named, but are the first water cannons to adapt 19th century technology: batteries and magazine clips. Simply pop in four AA’s, top up as many mags as your homemade bandolier can handle and you’re well on your way to a refreshing summer. At this rate unfortunately, aerial drone water toys won’t be available until year 2300.

Price: RMB 100. Web: www.amazon.com

Sackable Offense

Office pranksters are great. Sitting on a whoopee cushion for the 27th time is not at all annoying and unites the cubicles in stress relieving laughter. The Phantom Keystroker V2 is a practical joke for the digital age. Similar in appearance to a USB drive, plug this into a hapless co-worker’s computer to randomly generate crazy mouse movements, toggling of caps lock and output of gibberish typing. While they grow more certain a virus has taken control of their machine and dial tech support in a panic, sit back, chortle at their misfortune and enjoy the adulation of your colleagues.

Price: RMB 85. Web: www.thinkgeek.com

Solar Satchel

Upon getting lost in the wilderness and realising your mobile or satellite phone is dead, it’s a slippery slope to cannibalism. Avoid having to feast on the plumpest of your party by bringing this handy solar backpack on your next hiking excursion. Designed to military specs, this fetching camouflage piece of kit’s flexible solar panel provides up to four watts of power to charge phones, Apple products, or any other essential electronic devices. This is all predicated on the assumption there is sun however, thus advice to any wayward soul in Scotland is to start with your former friend’s thigh.

Price: RMB 1,170. Web: www.eclipsesolargear.com