The Honeymoon
The Leah of last year seems a distant figure and I don’t recognise her. The cravings for food and booze – did I really give into all those carb-driven desires? – have gone. The stress of packing has vanished and the farewells to friends are over, along with the sweating over details and people asking for quick decisions when really I didn’t care. There were many times I just wanted to close the door and walk away from it all. The anticipated sadness of missing the cats seems like it happened to someone else. And yet only seven days have passed since checking out of The Langham, Xintiandi, getting into an Expo taxi and whizzing off to T2 at Pudong airport.
Now I’m sitting in the Café Campana at the top of le Musee d’Orsay enjoying an enormous chocolate éclair. I’m in Paris for the New Year and a little bit of R&R after the emotional and intense month of December. For me this means art, art and more art, so I’m dusting off my art appreciation eyes. It’s like meeting old friends again and seeing these works anew. The colours amaze me. The styles excite and dazzle. I’m re-discovering Manet, Courbet, Cezanne, Monet, Derain, Matisse and Picasso as well as learning about Diane Arbus and Spanish painters. I have bought a few more fridge magnets to add to the collection!
What’s all this got to do with repatriation? This is the honeymoon phase of repatriating. Everything is good and sweet. I’m falling in love again with the familiar streets and sounds, and re-learning how to navigate this culture. In the 1990s, Paris was my home for seven years. I’ve come ‘back’ to find that she has mellowed and is relaxed. She jokes and smiles playfully. She’s embraced modernity once again and surprises me with electric cars and bicycles for rent, Wifi in the oldest of cafes and an array of recycling bins (even one for plastic bottle tops). The air is fresh and clean and miraculously there’s no smell of dog merde. Everyone seems to be able to speak English and surprisingly well, and most understand my French, even when the odd 不知到or 不好意思 pops out. Everything can be done online and what’s really nice is that I understand the websites, so I’m no longer illiterate. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t progress far in learning to read Chinese.
What’s more, I feel like I am accepted. Well actually, no one pays me any attention, which is surprising as I’m the only person around with the reddest of red plastic shiny feather-down coat, so distinctly Chinese. This though is a refreshing change from Shanghai because now I’m no longer the local laowai in the neighbourhood. No one is watching what I buy, what I wear or asking whether I’m coming or going to work. I’m just one of the crowd.
This is one of my ‘homes’ not only because of the memories I have but also because of the friends who are still here. They provide continuity from then to now and that creates the sense of belonging I feel. These are the kind of friends with whom you can pick up the conversation right where you left off. Time has created no distance; in fact it has created a deep appreciation of my friends because we haven’t changed in essence.
In my current state I don’t feel the need for a coaching session about the honeymoon phase. Everything is going well and I feel fine. I know though from research and experience coaching other repats that this phase will pass. Soon the reality that I’m not flying back to Shanghai after three weeks will sink in and the first dip will happen. With this in mind, I have reached out to my coach after three weeks and scheduled a session. What do I hope to achieve in the next session? I’m hoping to devise strategies to cope with the first wave of reverse culture shock and create action for the next step of my repatriation plan.
Leah Stickley aka The Onion Peeler has made a name for herself in the learning and development industry over the last 11 years in Shanghai. Her brand – the Onion Peelers – is recognised for fun and innovative solutions to cross cultural training, team building and train the trainer programmes. Recently ICF ACTP certified as a professional coach, Leah is embarking on a new career – coaching for international assignment – including assessment, selection, expatriation and finally repatriation in one piece. For the rest of her journey home after living abroad for 20 years, click here.
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